Ways You Can Recognize the Client From Hell
First, as a disclaimer to any future clients (love you!) let me say that very few clients fit into the client from hell category. If you’re an average Joe or Jane who’s spent the majority of your life not getting slugged square in the face, you’re excluded by a mile. Welcome!
That said, here are some warning phrases that any freelancer should tune his ears to. If you hear a lot of these from the same client, not just a couple here or there, be very sure to clarify down to the finest detail everything that’s needed and wanted. And get a contract signed. In blood. On ancient parchment from the fertile crescent. Or, don’t even take the commission.
“I don’t care.”
The client always cares. If he’s writing the checks, he cares. If he’s proud of his business and the things you’re producing for it, he cares. And if he really doesn’t care, the one thing he’ll care about it is making your life miserable though micromanagement and endless revisions.
”It’s up to you.”
No, it’s really not. The client calls the shots and that’s how it should be.
”You can do anything you want.”
Distant cousin to “it’s up to you.” This is the school of thought that gives you just enough rope to hang yourself.
You need a framework. And if you don’t have one this is what happens: You start creating on a commission. The client doesn’t like it so you change tack and he doesn’t like the next version either. Well, given that there is an infinity of options for every project, this process can and does go on for a long long time.
Why give the client a triangle, then a rectangle, then a rhomboid, then a circle, then a pentagram when all he wanted was a square? Why guess through an entire color spectrum when he really was envisioning something around beige-ish?
“_______”
That is the sound of silence, and is what you hear when the client disappears. Your telephone and email conspicuously fail to say “ding” or “ring-a-ling” for days on end and you feel like you need to start pacing the floor.
When you can’t reach your client by phone or email for more than two or three days, be wary.
Unless it’s a planned vacation or something you’ve discussed beforehand, this could spell danger. Which in this case is spelled A-B-S-E-N-C-E.
One time I had a client that went from about four emails a day to zero very abruptly, which is what made me suspicious. It was one of those loud silences, you know. It turned out that he’d decided not to go on with the project anymore and just “totally forgot” to let me know.
A freelance friend of mine had something similar happen. He was doing a big website for a company. They were in great communication with him, right up until the moment when they weren’t. He learned later, after an agonizing expenditure of time and energy, the company had hired another designer temporarily but kept my friend on “just in case he came up with something neat.”
”We’ve got to put his on hold for a bit.”
All other things being equal, this means funding has run out. At least, that’s what it’s meant when I’ve heard it. Luckily, I’ve never had a project completely die when I was told this, but I came very close.
”We need to make a few changes.”
There’s nothing really wrong with hearing this, especially at the beginning of a project when you’d expect to work out the larger wrinkles. It’s at the end of the project when things are just about wrapped when this one hurts.
See, in my experience this phrase has always been code for “new management is on board and they’re not diggin’ it.”
Again, not a terrible thing. At least the project hasn’t been halted or given to another guy, right? It does, however, usually entail redoing a lot of work, possibly even all of it.
That’s my list for now, but I consider it a living document. Now, I’d like to hear from ye all.
What have you heard from clients that made your arm hair stand up and your eye lids roll up like window shades?
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11 Responses to “Ways You Can Recognize the Client From Hell”
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thats a great post. I’d add a few.
Working for the wrong person in the organization. Your point person could be the nicest person on earth, but if they don’t have the authority to make final decisions, you could be entering project hell.
Committees can be great, but if you are on a fixed rate, be super careful.
Anyone who mentions their budget in every conversation (it should be crisp and clear from the get go - the let it go).
Keep writing - I like ou blog
@Shane - Great additions, man! I especially like the “always mentioning the budget” tip. Very true.
Thanks, by the way, for letting me know about the broken plugin. I think it was an out of date “Subscribe to Comments” plug. I think it’s fixed. Appreciate the help!
I was nodding the whole way through this post. Yessir, boy, been there, done that. Ive had a few clients have all these symptoms at once (and why is this strange search bar coming up when I type an apostrophe?)
I think clients dont (forgive the lack of apostrophes…) mean to be like this. I think they just cant see how extremely difficult and painful these few handfuls of sentences can be to the provider.
Ill (damned apostrophe)add one:
“I dont know what I want… I pay you to come with ideas.”
Um, no. You pay me to make your ideas become reality.
Great post, well written, well done!
James -
Hey, I know you! Well, your name at least. I think I see your comments on every blog on the planet! It’s great to see you here now, too.
Glad you liked the post. And you’re right about clients being generally good natured, lucky for us.
Bummer about the apostrophes…you must be using Firefox.
I am indeed. Does your blog not like Firefox?
I laughed at your comments - *every* blog on the planet? Nah. I’m working on it though… got 80% of them down…Naomi’s going to be so proud of me. I promise to come make general trouble, spam like mad on your blog and comment until you wished there was duct tape to shut me up. Deal?
And same here. I didn’t even realize who you were until I read a few posts, and I’m like, Heyyyy… I know this guy….
Hm. I just noticed. My apostrophe worked!!!
(by the way, that was a very warm welcome and made me feel all good.)
Hahahaha, awesome, James. I can see we’ll get along like gangbusters! You just earned yourself permission to come here and comment any time and as much as you want!
My sites all LOVE Firefox, but unfortunately Firefox doesn’t like apostrophes much. I know that bug because Firefox is all I use and I’ve gotten really pissed at it more than once. There are a couple “fixes” floating around, but nothing that seems permanent.
Glad you could have some warm fuzzies!
[...] realized how much difference a warm welcome makes when I dropped a comment on Ways to Recognize a Client from Hell at Charfish Design’s [...]
Hi Charlie,
This is great! Another one to add: Someone who asks what it will cost, before they’ve even explained what they need. Yes, cost is VERY important, but if that’s obviously what they’re focused on you may have a hard time selling the value of your talents!
[...] of feeling, there’s plenty of that in Charlie’s post about Ways to Recognize the Client from Hell. Not only is Charlie a great writer with an entertaining flair, but he also appears to have [...]
Love this list and it could grow three times as large too.
Here’s some more:
1. Client shows the nearly finished project/logo/package design/etc. to his wife and she doesn’t like it and now because some unrelated person to the entire design universe said “I like red”, you have to redesign. Forget the fact that it’s more money, (and if it’s not, that’s your fault for not having a great contract) I just want to MOVE ON with my life, please…
2. You submit 5 logo designs, all completely different directions to get a feel for where the client wants to go. (This happens a lot with midwesterners, they don’t have a clue where they want to go). Then they start mixing and matching looks that don’t go together. You do what they want anyway (against all the advice you could muster) and then they hate the final result. Oh, nice!
3. Client thinks they can keep adding to the project parameters - (”oh, just another page on the site”, or my favorite, ‘just a few more photos that you need to take and then photoshop to death and then add to the gallery section” “that shouldn’t take you long, right?”) yet does not want to pay a dime more for it, regardless that your contract was spelled out the the most infintessimal detail.
4. Client approves cost overruns on the phone during the project (Just do it, we’ll worry about that later, I’ll pay whatever it takes) then calls you up to complain about the final bill which all figures were approved beforehand by THEM.
5. And my favorite: Client decides they are suddenly a Design God and can design the job but still wants you to produce the final product wherein you basically are a production robot on a really horrid design and it sucks the soul from your life until the project is done.
After 30 years in the biz, I could go on and on… suffice it to say I’m ready to sh*tcan this career and be a fine artist full time.